Saturday, March 07, 2009

Humbled... angry... just not sure...

It's strange... lately... feeling a little overtly sensitive... and at the same time really angry. I'm not sure what accounts for this. But there it is.

I'm thankful for having some amazing people around me. People to whom I find with incredible hearts, good souls, and feel very lucky to count them as friends. And having that goodness around me is most definitely a shining light in my life. But as much as I am so fortunate to have that goodness in my life... sometimes the anger is so great. I find it hard to keep that in check.

Of late, more and more, I find myself being unabashingly (is that even a word?) honest. And even unapologetic in that honesty. Speaking of things more than I probably should. And I find myself being very sensitive to what society might consider douchebags and, well, fake people.

And when I say sensitive, I don't mean that in a fashion to where I am supportive, or feel somesort of affection for them in whatever plight they may have in life. But more, their bad boogie... has an effect on me, like an infection. I take it in. And, I think it makes me so incredibly angry.

And it's not their fault, I let it affect me. And I wish I wouldn't.

But this vunerabilty, and anger... I want it to go away. But to do that, I need to find where it's coming from. And what is going on in my life that is making things happen this way. But I am not sure where it is. Friends tell me to let it go, move one, but I can't seem to do so.

In this state though, I find myself wondering if others see me in the way I've been seeing a great many people of late. I guess that thought is unavoidable, but what can you do?

But I guess I'll leave this at if you're a selfish person, a greedy person, a generally bad person in life. And we may know one another. Don't come my way, chances are I will call shenanigans. And that just wouldn't be pleasant experience for either of us.

Anyway, that's it. I hope you are having a wonderful day internet. I hope life is finding you well. And I am sure I will see you again soon.

1 comment:

Pensive Girl said...

oh man, i've been right there with you. really.

at least it's an eye-opening experience though.